Bullies Don’t Love Themselves: Anti-Bullying Means Healing with Self-Love

Bully research has shown that some bullies, not all, have been bullied and have low self-esteem. Percentages change continually about the number of those students who do not feel safe at school because of being bullied. Research also shows that loners are more likely to be picked on and bullied. Being able to say directly and profoundly a statement such as “I want my turn now” can help strengthen those who are bullied in the face of bullying. There are no set formulas or guarantees.

Let’s look a little closer at the life of a bully. Even if he/she receives some form of love and care from parents or others, if he/she is unable to FEEL self-love, this formulates a root cause for bullying. What is bullying, anyway? It is the release of bad feelings onto another person. It is a band-aid for the bully to feel empowered temporarily. Temporary power like this has to be refueled often because it is not true power. It is power at the expense of another. What to do? Bullies need help. They need to learn to love themselves which will enable them to have compassion for others rather than wanting to dump their pain on others. Get them help and work with them in a frame of reference of wanting to help and connecting with them healthily. Meanwhile, those who are bullied must feel safe and have support from adults, learn how to protect themselves verbally with fair, strong statements as mentioned above, and feel encouraged that they are cared for and loved.

Bullies do not love themselves. If they did, the interaction with others would take on a whole different nature. Their illness pours into their victims who then feel badly about themselves.

Repercussions for bullying should not only be with appropriate consequences but with support for healing. Otherwise, the pattern repeats itself and becomes a vicious cycle. Those who are bullied benefit by learning ways to strengthen their self-confidence.